Healing, one phone call at a time

I have some news to share shortly.  Some great, exciting, and most importantly, HAPPY news!  It's going to be a long story about a new adventure and a new partner that deserves his own post.  But before I get to that, I have to say I had a very necessary and difficult talk tonight.

I've known for a couple weeks now that Soon's former race owner, Dennis, had been wanting to call.  I knew that was going to be a very tough conversation.  He decided to wait a bit, and I'm glad for that, because I think I needed a little bit of time so I wasn't a complete, blithering mess on the phone.  But even almost four weeks now, and I was still pretty much a blithering mess.

He called tonight, and it really did make my heart happy to hear from him.  I always liked Dennis, he seemed like the type of guy I could just hang around and drink a beer with.  He's a good, old school horseman who put his animals first, as Soon would absolutely attest to.  Dennis is what's right with racing - a kind hearted, hard working guy, who puts his horses first both on the track and afterward.  We kept in touch for over a year after Soon retired, I would send him pictures and updates before we finally lost touch back in late 2014.  Some of the CANTER girls had kept him in the loop more recently with our horse showing and clinic escapades.  I am so grateful for that.  Dennis deserves to know that his horse became a superstar, and was the most important part of my life.

Dennis called tonight to say he was sorry, how he knew how hard it was and how he knew how much Soonie meant to me.  He said if there was ever a horse and person meant for each other, he knew it was us.  He told me about how much Soon had given him, how much of a "people person" he was.  And Dennis told me how he had turned away several buyers, because they weren't right or couldn't provide Soon the home Dennis thought he deserved.  And then he said when he watched me walk in the stall, he knew that was it.  I admit, I spent the majority of the phone call trying not to break down and cry.

And yes, I did break down and cry uncontrollably at the end of the phone call.  

This guy remembered all the details of that day I came to see Soon.  He remembered everything about a racehorse he sold over four years ago.  This guy cares.  Always has.  We both remembered how it was between Soon and another horse that day, and I had come back to see Soon again to see if I could make up my mind.  I walked back in the stall, Soon planted his face in my chest, and that was it.  Dennis said he knew then.  He told me, right there, that "I can't sell him to anyone but you."

I don't think either one of us had any clue in that moment what Soon and I would go on and do in the future, any clue what an important role he would play in my life and how much of my happiness would be wrapped up in him.  But I think we both had a feeling about something, and that was good enough to believe and take a leap of faith.

The call probably only lasted 10 minutes or so, maybe 15, but it was good to hear from him again, and I hope to keep in touch with him again.  He asked for some recent photos, which I was happy to text him, but I told him I'd do him one better.  I've ordered some nice prints of some of our best photos, a mix of candid shots and show photos, and will mail those to him along with all the Chronicle articles about Soonie.  Going to write him a card too.  And if I'm ever in the St Louis area again, or if I ever make the move to Kentucky, you bet your ass I'll be making the trip to Fairmount to catch up with Dennis and cheer on his horses.

I don't know...in speaking with Dennis it was like another big milestone in healing.  And in being reminded how much Soon gave Dennis, it makes me that much more grateful that I had Soon in my life at all.  I'm grateful for Dennis, I'm grateful for four amazing years with a horse that touched a lot of people.  That time was an absolute gift and while I'm still sad it got cut short, I have to start appreciating having it at all, and I smile now just knowing I had the opportunity.

“This one isn’t just any old horse. There’s a nobility in his eye, a regal serenity about him. Does he not personify all that men try to be and never can be? I tell you, my friend, there’s divinity in a horse, and specially in a horse like this. God got it right the day he created them. And to find a horse like this in the middle of this filthy abomination of a war, is for me like finding a butterfly on a dung heap. We don’t belong in the same universe as a creature like this.”
- Michael Morpurgo, War Horse