I will try not to be overly sappy here, but Sig just helped me finally realize a little dream of mine. After several years and twice having to cancel out of the annual Market Street clinic, I finally got to ride with Anne Kursinski.
And Sig was, of course, absolutely perfect.
To set the stage, I've long admired Anne's style and she's been on my "bucket list" of clinicians for a long time. I first tried to clinic with her in 2016, but Soon took a bad step a few days before the clinic and I pulled out to be safe. The following year, well....Yeah. Soon had his colic surgery, hospital battle, and later was put down all around the time frame of the clinic. So this time of year is naturally a sad one for me, but now I have a very happy set of memories to cherish.
A friend of the farm regularly hosts Anne for clinics and thankfully a barnmate and I were able to secure slots in the baby 2'6" session all weekend. Sig's been going so well both on the flat and over fences lately that I wasn't sweating or concerned about whether or not we were prepared. Which is good, because I had just the shittiest week leading up to the clinic (not horse related). My truck had to go into the shop, and thankfully Ashley was amazing and was able to haul us both this weekend to help out. Plus work stress and my back being bad the last couple of weeks...I almost wanted to cancel and I absolutely told Ash to bring her riding stuff to the clinic in case she needed to hop on Sig in my place because I was in too much pain to ride.
Suffice it to say I was in "whatever" mode going up to this and didn't have the bandwidth to stress about not having done any no-stirrup work lately....
We had the first session at 9am both days. Day one was mainly flatwork and some gymnastics. Flatwork was lengthening/shortening strides and a mix of regular and no-stirrup work to get a closer, deeper connection in the seat. We also did turn-on-the-forehand off the left and right reins, and I was so, so grateful that Sig and I have made lateral work a regular part of our flatwork routines. He honestly did give some of the most obedient lateral work of the whole session, which made me very proud of him. Gymnastics was a simple one-to-one combination with emphasis on straightness and forward, light hands with a short (!!) rein. Video clips below from throughout the session:
Day two was a refresh of the flatwork concepts, more no-stirrup work, and leg yields off each rein at the walk and trot. Jumping consisted of a course, varying stride lengths in a bending line from easy five strides to a bolder, more direct four, long approaches off diagonals, and the famous counting out loud. Anne explained how counting up from one prevents backward riding (rather than down from a set number, ie. guess when you're eight strides out and count down, which tends to encourage riders to pull/wait to make the number happen rather than riding the actual pace/distance) and helps promote rhythm.
Overall Sig was really, really perfect for being the young horse in the
group. He got loads of compliments from Anne (lots of "goods!" and
"excellent!" and "very obedient"...even some "very adorable!" comments)
about his talent, rideability, and how quickly he picked up on things. I'm proud to say I was also complimented frequently and I walked out of the clinic knowing that we were both very polished and prepared. Anne even said that he "had a God-given talent [for jumping]," and coming from her that really means something.
My takeaway was the shorter rein both on the flat and over fences. I objected to the knot in the reins, but it did help forcefully demonstrate that such a short rein is both possible and useful. Sig was still forward and soft, and I was able to maintain a more natural auto release rather than the down-to-the-side release I tend to fall into when my reins are longer. I am going to try to keep the shorter reins moving forward. We also insisted on obedience to the leg, and while Sig was generally awesome, every time he was slow to react I got after him with the stick and that was complimented by the clinician. I don't fuck around when it comes to clinics and getting going. He only needed one or two reminders and he was a tired baby, but he played along perfectly and was absolutely foot perfect after the minor corrections.
I am so completely proud of Siggers for how professional and perfect he was all weekend. This came off a horribly sad and stressful week and I could not be happier today to have Sig and my farm family. There were lots of smiles, lots of laughs, lots of horsey hugs and (social-distanced) high fives with my team. But I'm most excited about Sig. He was a total professional the ENTIRE weekend. He learned quickly, was totally quiet and soft, and was just the best partner for me for this adventure. I already can't wait for other clinics and more learning and growing with him. I am so excited for our future and so grateful to be writing chapters like this in our story. Thank you, Brother, for your wonderful gifts.
Sig and I finally got to attend our first show together! And it was amazingggg!
Sig has shown a couple times over the years, but never with me thanks to me moving to Japan and a completely insane schedule here in Kentucky since my return. But last weekend we got to attend a wonderful schooling show at Any Day Now Farm, and I can't say enough about the entire experience.
Sig stepped off the trailer and despite looking around and feeling slightly unsure for the first few minutes, he settled beautifully and got right to work. No screaming, no shenanigans, just very professional and was very in tune to me. We did a cross rail class to warm up and get into the show ring to have a look around. The first round we just trotted around the course, and then came back to do a second round at the canter. Both rounds he was super, very soft and stayed in a lovely rhythm.
Then we waited around for what we really came for, the 2'6" class. During the wait Sig was happy to stand around and nap or mug the show staff for peppermints, still zero drama as we hung around and did the "hurry up and wait." Then they changed the course from crossrails to the set up for the rest of the day...and wow, did they ever break out the nice stuff!
Liverpools, unique looking gate and panels, narrow panel with holes cut out of it, very elaborate and beautiful walls...all the fill was very impressive even for me and Ashley, who jokingly dubbed it "The 2'6" Olympics." I actually began to wonder if all the fill was a bit much and debated leaving on our crossrail performance. I think Ashley was understanding of the concern because we both looked at each other like "..is this seriously a good idea?"
The two people that actually read this blog might recall this post, where I reflected on what was ultimately (and unknowingly...) my last show with Soon. We had been schooling 1.10-1.15m all summer and it was feeling comfortable, we had an excellent horse show that week, and I greedily thought we could tackle the 1.0m. It was our first real season of showing, and while Soon was super broke, he was still green in the show ring. It was an unbelievably fine line between success and disaster, and one missed distance was all it took to wreck his confidence. We had to back down to the .80m just to go in and end on a positive note.
I was super hard on myself for being greedy that day, and that haunted my decision making at the show last weekend with Sig. A 2'6" class is not big to me by any means, but I kept questioning whether that plus all the super fancy show fill (seriously, Upperville didn't have fill that impressive!) was a bit much. Sig hadn't jumped anything that fancy in a long while, he hadn't shown in probably 18 months at all, and I didn't want to rush. I've been the anti-rusher with this horse, and so far that approach with Ashley has paid off. But she was also quick to point out that if it didn't go well and he needed to school the course, this was the place to do it. The hosts/show staff were unbelievably helpful and geared everything toward developing green horses. Need a second round? Go for it. Need to ride the horse around in the ring and let them inspect each fence during the course walk? No problem.
Sig inspected the fences during the walk and seemed comfortable. After waking up in the warm up and jumping Ashley's jacket over the warm up fences (which Sig jumped super neatly and was very positive to!), we ended up just going for it. "Just go get it done!" was the last bit of advice from Ash as we walked in the first as the first to go. My mentality was just be a positive, supportive ride and get him on the other side of the fences. It was a speed class, but I rode it like a hunter round just to give him the best look at all the jumps and focus on our rhythm going around. I just wanted to make this a good experience.
HE. WAS. SPECTACULAR. You can't tell how impressive the fill was from the video, but he absolutely made it look like a hunter round. He was very positive and confident to the jumps, but not too bold. He was very soft and rideable, and that combination is such a fun feeling. He jumped the gates with lots of flower fill, the weirdly cut gates, the narrow panels, the liverpools, and was perfect in all the bending lines. He even had the best sense of humor when I forgot the inside turn to the one-stride and had to bend back to it. I was just so over the moon excited about how he went and how totally professional he was walking in there and jumping around like such a pro!
The video cuts off the last two jumps: a long approach to an oxer and then quick left turn over the narrow to finish. He was just as soft and super to those two as the rest of the course. Everyone was thrilled with him, just hanging around the ingate that morning he had earned some fans and all of us on baby horses were cheering each other on. I was smiling ear to ear so much it hurt and couldn't stop praising this kid. We hung around and watched a couple more rounds, he got stuffed full of peppermints, and then we loaded up to come home.
He also self-loads on the trailer now, by the way. That's pretty cool.
Overall I'm super excited about how relaxed and professional he was, and how happy he was to hang out and then go back to work. The whole day he just seemed super positive mentally and tuned in. I can go on, but it would be just more of the same gushing. Great day, great horse, and I can't wait for more!
Sig's doing fantastic. COVID kicked off and since then he and the farm have been a great source of normalcy and I've been extremely thankful to have that one consistent factor in my life. This summer was very crazy and unhappy professionally - I was the only officer in the detachment, working the commander roles as well as several other jobs in addition to my normal job titles. I didn't get out and about with Sig very much as a result, and this whole year since arriving to KY has just been one professional frustration after another.
But this fall I've decided to have work life balance, to take morning lessons during the week and work virtually twice a week to accommodate that. I'm protecting my downtime and weekends. And more importantly, lately Sig and I have had a lot more consistency in training and have been having some adventures of our own.
For the two people who actually read this blog, check out his Instagram for more regular updates: https://www.instagram.com/sibelius_mb/
Quick summary of what's been happening lately:
1. He's getting a custom saddle, I ordered a new Palm Beach from Voltaire and turned in the BlueWing. It wasn't the best fit and I never loved it, I'm hoping this will be the end of the saddle journey with something custom built for the two of us. For now he's living in Soon's CWD, which if shimmed, he seems perfectly happy in.
2. He was started on a hind gut ulcer supplement as he had some pretty remarkable inconsistency with his attitude and behavior. So much so that over the summer we were honestly wondering if he was going to work out long term...for about a month or so I was going back and forth on selling him and hopefully finding him a better fit elsewhere. He was oddly spooky and much more reactive from the spring into the summer, but about two months ago he went on the supplement and the turnaround has really been remarkable. He's way, way less reactive. Our cool, sweet, sleepy Sig is back both on the ground and undersaddle. As a result he's way more consistent in our jump lessons and my Snuggles is back. 😊💙 Suffice it to say that thoughts of selling him are off the table and I'm back looking forward to a very, very fun (and hopefully long) future with this amazing boy. He's just so fun with everything.
3. We're exploring more rollback turns and bending lines over fences, he's getting pretty handy!
4. Still no flying changes. I schooled simples one day and he gave me one clean (perfect!!) flying change on purpose, but so far just the one. I've shelved the flying changes schooling and have gone back to more canter loops, counter canter work, and simple changes for now. Might revisit later this fall or wait until the spring.
5. Signed up for an Anne Kursinski clinic! It's next month down the road at a friend's farm. Very excited and feeling good about it! Fingers crossed this time I finally get to ride with her. We went on a field trip yesterday to Cloud Nine Farm where the clinic is being held, and got to ride with Stevie. It was a great experience, everyone was super friendly and welcoming, and it Sig was foot perfect the entire day. He seriously acted like a seasoned pro, no fuss at all and I was so proud on how he handled himself and how he improved throughout the lesson. Videos on the IG embeds below.
6. We did a groundwork clinic at the end of July (early Aug?) and he conquered his complete fear of the giant ball! We revisit this every now and then and he's been so super. After allowing him the option to be brave and go forward on his own, he's definitely gained a lot of confidence with "scary" objects and it helped his mentality a lot. Extra bonus: found out yesterday he even self-loads in the trailer! 😏
He's looking absolutely fantastic right now, topline looks amazing and he's matured so, so nicely. Though at the moment he's definitely getting fuzzier than I remember him getting this time last year, so...I guess that mean's he'll be getting his super sexy trace clip a little earlier than usual? We'll see!
Well...we're in the Coronavirus/COVID-19 lockdown so I thought I'd finally write an update on Siggers!
Did I mention he loves outside?
Overall he's doing great. He's back to living outside full time, which I honestly think he prefers. He'll come back in this summer and spend his days inside so he can have his fan and save his feet a little bit, but I think his new schedule is be outside full time from probably Sep/Oct - May/June. Just seems to work for him.
His only real issue is that he's got the "warmblood spook" and needs more desensitization exercises. Really windy days in the ring, or when something in the indoor changes, seem to all be excuses for him to be very look-y and potentially spooky. So I need to add more desensitization training to his routine. Otherwise, he's mostly very consistent and doing well both on the flat and over fences. I have to remember that he's still young and green (will turn six in a couple of weeks!), so he's entitled to his baby antics from time to time. For a young horse he is generally very easy and I'm thankful for that.
On the flat, we're working on slowly shortening and raising his outline. We had a lesson with our dressage trainer a couple weeks ago and she loves where Sig is at and feels like we can as him to shorten up a little bit more, while maintaining the throughness and keeping his back up. This will be a slow progression, but even now I'm feeling like he's getting it, and it's just a matter of building his strength slowly.
We're also confirming/cleaning up his shoulder-in (tracking right is great, tracking left is hit/miss) and have introduced the haunches-in (travers). He's very smart and is picking up on these lateral movements very well, so I try to school them a little bit a couple times a week. He's so quick that doing the exercises too much quickly leads to him anticipating or getting upset, so it's a very fine balance. I'm also thrilled with how his canter is coming along on the flat as well - also focusing on him pushing forward from behind and stretching into the contact. That mentality has helped develop a very soft, adjustable canter that is way farther ahead than I thought we'd be there. I want to start doing some canter loops and eventually some counter-canter this spring, and start focusing on flying changes later this year. He has done a couple flying changes in the past, but we've tried to keep it to simple changes for now until we got more strength and balance in the canter.
Here's a video and some screenshots of that February
dressage lesson. This was at the end of a pretty challenging lesson, so
we lack some of the energy and push we had been enjoying earlier in the
ride. I think it does show that he's very soft and elastic, and
overall I am getting so excited about how he feels on the flat. Such a
cool horse!
Asking for a little more elevation in the poll while maintaining push from behind
Starting the stretch...
...stretching...
On the jumping side, nothing mind blowing to report. We're still trying to focus on keeping him soft and slow to the fences, as he jumps so much nicer from that. He has a tendency to rush and not necessarily be fast, but getting him to really "think" slow to/from the fence helps his jump so much, and he's so unbelievably simple to ride in that mindset. It really is like a switch flips in his brain (usually after he rushes through an exercise once or twice...) and then he sets himself back and gets soft and slow. Then he really is just a point and shoot ride. Here are some recent clips:
From Dec/Jan timeframe:
So, finally some video proof that Siggers is doing fantastic. I'm really looking forward to seeing how far we can develop him. He is just too damn cool.
I'm supposed to go TDY in May for two months, so if that is still happening amidst the COVID-19 stuff, then Sig will go back into full training with Ashley from May-June and I'll pick back up in July. I need to get back into decent shape, I've already put on noticeable weight with the quarantine and I'm not liking how I feel in the saddle. Blah.
Just to leave on a cute note...HOW ADORABLE IS HE???
Hey, Bubba.... I'm stuck here sick on my couch for the fourth straight day. I don't know if I caught the cold from hell, if it's something more than that, or what is up because I just can't seem to shake this and I've been out of the office for the second straight day feeling like shit. I feel so utterly useless like this. I have probably 30 other things I could be doing right now, like answering emails, lesson planning, etc...but all I'd like to do right now is just talk to you. So that's what I'm doing.
Overall I'm doing great. Today is a sad day of course because I am sick and feeling sorry for myself, listening to sad songs about us and letting myself cry it out (wiping a tear off my laptop as I type this bit...). But otherwise things are honestly really good. Job is crazy busy but good and I like it. I love Kentucky and my wonderful friends here. I'm getting back into music and trying to do some things just for me, to make me happy. I'm better with myself now than I've been since you left, and that is something I feel good about. I'm in a really good place. I think you'd be happy to know that.
I mean...I had to threaten him
with the Ball 'O Death to get him to
look this cute for cryin' out loud
Sig is great. Haven't seen him much the last two weeks between work, a trip to the east coast, and now me being sick, but he's been going great and we're having a lot of fun. Ashley did so awesome with him and she helps out now when I don't have time. I'm sorry you never got to meet her, you would have loved her. Sig is a total idiot and I love him for it. He's professional undersaddle and has a great brain, works hard, but he is a goofball. Different from you (all in good ways). You were a goof too, but I feel like you always wore a bow tie. So classy, all the time. He's still the class clown type, but always shows up for me and puts a smile on my face. Thank you for sending him to me. We're working on building our relationship and I think he will be very special. He's already very special to me.
I wish I could have had you both on this earth at the same time. Mainly because I think he'd drive you NUTS. I can see you two in the trailer, him being obnoxious and trying to steal your hay (which you had declared the one hay net in the rig to be yours and yours alone), and you pinning your ears at him. And I'd just stand there and laugh and laugh and laugh....
Sig (Baby Sasquatch) still is almost impossible to photograph, by the way. Maybe you can send him like a horsey heaven telegram or something to work on the photogenic-ness. No? Just thought I'd ask! It is part of his charm after all.
"charm"
Most of all, I just hope Siggers gets to stick around for a good long while. I want him to grow old and retire with a harem of mini donks. That's my greatest regret for you.
I still can't explain all this to people and I've been struggling for words for how to describe you, your loss, and what it all means to me. The best I can do is "I lost my soulmate," in hopes that strikes a chord with non-horse people and helps them understand the insurmountable feeling of loss and sadness when it comes to you. It's like the loss of a beloved spouse. That person you feel was put on this earth just for you. That person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, but accept you probably can't.
You were my person. It's that simple.
Which sometimes makes me feel silly, especially to non-horse people who probably think you can't have that kind of connection with a horse (or the cynical ones who don't think you can have that connection with another person, either...).
But it's true. If you could speak, we'd be that couple that finishes
each others' sentences. You bailed me out of every bad decision I made. You looked at me a certain way and I immediately knew
where that itch was where you couldn't reach. We had entire
conversations in our very own silent language. I know we knew what the
other was thinking most often. Those are soulmates.
For my horse friends, even "heart horse" doesn't adequately describe you. It has to be soulmate. That's exactly what you were to me. Triple was my heart horse too, she did so many incredible things for me and made my dreams come true as well. I cried (and still cry) over her. And maybe it was because I lost her longer ago, but your loss was different. Feels different.
Triple <3
Please tell Triple Dipple Doo I said hello, that I miss her too, and that I'm still sorry I wasn't there to say goodbye. I hope you two are up there cribbing away next to each other. If not, you should be. Are there horsey cribbing lounges up there, like smoking lounges, where you sit around a fence post wearing berets and crib together? If not, there should be. If there was anyone who could out-crib you, it's her (love you, Doo!). I like to think you two are up there together, my two Professors, talking about the old days, teaching everyone else how it should be.
I see you from time to time in my dreams. I can't remember details now, but I just want to say thank you for visiting. It always makes me feel good that day to see you and know you're still around in some way.
I heard from Dennis back in October, just a couple weeks before that two-year mark of your passing. He texted me out of the blue,
"Hi, this is Dennis. Just looking back at my greatest horses how special Soon was. I loved him with my whole heart. You made him even better. We have such good memories of him. Hope your new horse is fantastic."
I texted him right back:
"Hi Dennis! I'm glad to hear from you, I
hope you are well! Thank you for this, and thank you for everything
you did for Soonie. Thank you for loving him and giving him a new life
when it was the right time. I am so grateful for you and for him. He
was and still is the best thing to ever happen to me, I think about him
every day. He made me better, made me stronger. He really helped me
achieve some of my dreams!
New
horse is fantastic, but he's not Soon, no one can be. But I like to
think that Soonie sent this one for me, he's another great
Thoroughbred. Sometimes I see a little bit of Soon in him.
I
hope you got the photos and the articles I wrote. The Retired Racehorse
Project just asked me to write for their magazine so I hope I can share
more about Soonie and off track TBs. I hope everything is going well
for you! Thank you again!"
I never heard back from him after that. I hope he's ok. I was just really moved by the fact he remembered and reached out. He really loved you and I remember how he looked at you the day I visited, and was standing with you in your stall debating between you and another horse. You put your head in my chest and there was just this look in Dennis' eyes as he looked at me and said, "I can't sell him to anyone but you."
I don't allow myself to believe that was some sort of sales pitch. I also don't believe the average race trainer stays in touch like he did and remembers to reach out like that, two years later. People remember you. People always will. Maybe that's why I wanted to write about you in The Chronicle and everywhere else that will listen. Those words are out there and I hope through those words you'll live forever.
It wasn't about the ribbons, who we rode with, or what we did. All
those things mean the world to me. But most importantly, it's that you
picked me up when my world fell apart back in 2013. I barely knew you,
we were new to each other, and filled that void and then some. You made
me smile again when I didn't think I could. When I didn't want to trust anyone, you taught me to trust you. When I didn't want to love anyone, I loved you. You were my rock through
the years. When times were good, or bad, it didn't matter either way,
because you were there and you were all I ever needed. You were my better half, my happy, my foundation from which everything else was based. All I needed was a sunset ride on you, on the quiet farm just the two of us, and the world was right. You let me dream again.
I mean how can I not love life
with this NERD!??? :) <3
And
maybe that's why I had the occasional day where I was angry. It just felt so impossibly unfair. I
would think I only ever needed you in life, as long as you were with me
nothing else mattered. And then I had to let you go. Then all the problems that happened with
my family that followed afterward, life just seemed like such a fucking
joke afterward I almost couldn't handle it. It was just one heartbreak after another for a year or so after you left.
Trust me, I had many sad days not too long ago where I looked back on
that night and wished with everything I had that I could lay down next
to you on that cold ground, put my head on your neck like I did, close
my eyes, and go with you. I have missed you so much, and so hard, and
there were days I couldn't even look at your picture without breaking
down and crying uncontrollably. Those days haven't happened in awhile, though. I do definitely have the day here and there where I hear a sad song and look at your canvas portrait in the living room and cry a little, but these days it's more that I am grateful for you. Grateful for our time together. These days, I'm thankful rather than angry. I think the incredible gift of Sig, this place, my friends, and me finding more life
balance has definitely helped get me to this great place I now find myself in. Believe it when I say life is good, and I'm thoroughly loving it.
...But damn it man, I've missed you. There's no gravesite to visit, no place I can go to see you, except my memories. Which at the end of the day is all I need, but it doesn't replace you. It can't. Nothing can. But it's all going to be okay. I have a new journey to enjoy with Sig, new lessons to learn, and new chapters to write. The possibilities for the future fill me with an incredible excitement, so much that I almost can't contain that feeling. I'm smiling right now just thinking about it!
Just to add some more levity to this, sometimes I reminisce on our
more ridiculous moments and just laugh. Remember that time you were
trying to attack Z in the field because you were overly protective and he was too
close to me and then you missed BIG TIME....and basically removed my shoulder
blade with your teeth? Hilarious!
...JUST KIDDING. This wasn't funny.
I
at least appreciated that you wore your Sorry I Fucked Up REAL BAD face
the next two days, it warmed my heart and that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy
right now that you're up there probably feeling badly about that. I
almost wanted to get those marks tattooed. I remember hoping there was a
mark of some kind for as much as that hurt, but shit son...you really
outdid yourself as usual. It looks like I got mauled by Jaws. Badass.
Your nickname for the next few months on Facebook was in fact Jaws, by the way. Thought you should know. ;)
So, there it is. I'm doing great and I need you to know. I also needed to talk to you. I'm sure I will write again. I hope I see you again soon (Soon!) in my dreams.
There's a song below that just hits home with you. It talks about how "we were the lucky ones." And we were. I had no business finding you, but we found each other anyway. Made each other better, every day. We were stronger together, because I know I was stronger with you. But luck will leave, just as you had to. I still hold on to your memory, the lessons I learned, how you made me feel, all of it. I will never let you or any of that go.
Thank you, Brother. It was the ride of a lifetime.
"Didn't they always say we were the lucky ones?
I guess that we were once, babe, we were once,
But luck will leave you 'cause it is a faithless friend,
And in the end, when life has got you down,
You've got someone here that you can wrap your arms around.
So, hold on to me tight,
Hold on to me tonight.
We are stronger here together
Than we could ever be alone.
So, hold on to me,
Don't you ever let me go.
There's a thousand ways for things to fall apart,
But it's no one's fault, no, it's not our fault.
Maybe all the plans we made might not work out,
But I have no doubt, even though it's hard to see.
I've got faith in us, and I believe in you and me.
So, hold on to me tight.
Hold on, I promise it'll be alright.
'Cause it's you and me together,
And, baby, all we've got is time.
So, hold on to me,
Hold on to me tonight.
There's so many dreams that we have given up.
Take a look at all we've got,
And with this kind of love,
And what we've got here is enough.
So, hold on to me tight.
Hold on, I promise it'll be alright.
'Cause we are stronger here together
Than we could ever be alone.
Just hold on to me,
Don't you ever let me go.
Hold on to me, it's gonna be alright.
Hold on to me tonight.
They always say we were the lucky ones."
